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The strength of such feelings should not be underestimated. To face them requires honesty, courage and, on occasion, a sense of humour, but to do so brings its own rewards. Weekends when the children are with their father become a time when the new couple can concentrate on one another; they could even replace the double-glazing together if it irritates them, secure in the knowledge that someone else is spending two hours in the rain watching the son’s football match.
Divorced mothers who do not form a new relationship may find their children’s visits to their father particularly hard to cope with because they are afraid they will come into contact with new partners or girlfriends. If their marriage has ended as a direct result of this new relationship, there is sometimes an obscure fear that the woman who has taken away her husband might steal the children’s affections as well. She may feel that, exhausted and depressed and still on her own, she is poor company for her children, while her ex-husband’s fulfilment in his new partnership makes him a more attractive companion. Access visits may make this situation worse, as it is the custodial parent who usually copes with the day-to-day routine of school, work, rushed meals and early bed, leaving weekends and holidays as the most common times for the children to be with their father.