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A year later she walks tall; the physical poise and confidence that had eluded her all her life now contribute greatly to her strength of character and enjoyment of life.

Separation often forces people to develop skills which had formerly been their partner’s responsibility. As well as undermining traditional, strait-jacketed views about what men and women can or cannot do, acquiring unfamiliar skills often enables adults to explore interests and aspects of their character which may have been stifled in their marriage. I am always surprised and slightly alarmed when, in casual conversation, married people pronounce so emphatically on their partner’s interests and skills or lack of them; so often the implicit message behind Tan never cooks’ or Katie isn’t ambitious’ really seems to be I wouldn’t want Ian to get interested in cooking,’ or I would be afraid if Katie were to get too ambitious.’ Freed from such constraints and forced by circumstances into learning new skills, men and women often discover that they really enjoy choosing interior decorations, cooking or gardening after all, or, at least, that they can make a passable job of decorating, household budgeting or mending punctures when necessary.

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