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she is at least partly responsible for what has happened to her children. In the first months after separation she may watch them particularly closely, organizing their lives so as to avoid stress and pain. If they are upset when they return from outings with their father, her first instinctive reaction is to protect them from the source of this distress. If she is still very angry with her ex-husband, perhaps because he appears to have settled down very quickly in a new partnership, it is all too easy for her to turn this legitimate concern for her children’s feelings into an opportunity to hurt and punish their father. If he left her suddenly it is not surprising that she clings fiercely to those aspects of her life which remain in her control. As the weeks pass by and she is with them constantly, she becomes increasingly confident that she knows what is best for them.

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