The Game Plan :
There’s only one place you need to go on the island. Campo Alegre, also called Le Mirage. This is possibly the best all-inclusive brothel in the world. It’s located at the end of the island away from all the major hotels. Campo Alegre was converted from an army barracks into a state sponsored Brothel, with 10-foot high walls and armed security to keep the jealous wives out. Inside it looks like it looks like an apartment complex, with over 100 one-story air conditioned units where the girls live. Rooms are extra clean, with mirrors on the walls, a bath, and even cold beer. The resort has multiple facilities, including an open-air sports bar with nude pole dancers, as well as exotic show events on weekends at midnight. Every other night, they pull a volunteer out of the crowd and he does a chick in front of everyone. In the bar are billiard tables, big screen TV’s, and 150 chicas. You can hang out here between rounds and make a whole evening of it.
For your dates, if you don’t see a potential girlfriend in the bar area, just stroll around the entire grounds and check out the girls standing near their units wearing practically nothing. They really like you a lot, think you’re dashing, gorgeous and funny, and can’t wait to tell you all about it in their apartment. Pricing for your date is $29 per half hour. The girls want local currency (Netherlands Antilles guilders), so change your money with the cashier at the entrance first. You can have multiple girls at the same time, but it’s not discounted. What nerve. You can stay in her place as long as you want by the way. The cover is just $3, beers are $3.75, drinks a bit more. The grounds are meticulously maintained, and so is the Latina coochie. No cameras, booze or weapons are allowed, and you’re frisked at the entrance. A large friendly security staff is very visible.
The girls are flown in mostly from Columbia and the Dominican Republic. They mail their photos and health test results in advance. If hired, upon arrival is another checkup, and they’re tested weekly for HIV and STD while living on the grounds. Fail the test once and they’re removed from the brothel campus. They pay $40 a day to work and live here, so there’s a healthy income for them compared to their poverty stricken countries. The age range is from 20-35 tops. Some dogs, some average, but most overall from 6-8 with a fair amount of 9’s. They are only allowed a 90-day visa for work, and only two terms a year, so there’s always new blood. They tend to wait for you to make the move there. The policy is they have to be at work between 6 PM and 6 AM. You can take one out of there during their off hours, but get her back by 6pm or it’s a $40 fine. A lot of them like to hang out on the beach at the Hilton and Marriott. Be forewarned, these hotels are very strict at night, so she will need to be well dressed to get in then. Many girls are looking for American boyfriends and husbands, so make sure you try for daytime fun.
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Campo is slow during the day with a lot less selection, (open 24/7). Not to say you should avoid the day. The hottest girls are busy all night and you may never see them EXCEPT maybe the daytime. And of course, in the day your session tends to be less rushed. You’ll need some Spanish, as virtually no English is spoken by the girls.
If you must go elsewhere, you’ll be disappointed, but here’s the scoop. As far as titty bars, across the street from the Holiday Beach Hotel is Club Havana. Don’t expect to see any diamonds in here. The girls are South American and Dominican, and will leave the club after the 2am closing time and return to your hotel for a large fee. The only benefit of doing this over Campo is that you’ll have a girl all night. A change of pace, but you can have 2 higher caliber girls for the price of I at Campo.
Also, since there are Casinos on the island, expect to see girls loitering around lam on for the guy who just won a little. You’ll be able to spot them easily, and if not, staple a hundred to your forehead and stand near the hotel elevator. It’s amazing how perceptive a woman can be sometimes.
As far as regular clubs, try Mambo Beach, ironically located on the friggin’ beach. It’s great Thursday thru Saturday, often times Sunday is an even bigger night. Remember, this is an upper income Dutch Resort Island, so there are tons of Scandinavian blue-eyed blondes on vacation here, as well as the Latina hotties. This club is huge, holds around 800 people, and has a massive sound system with speakers everywhere, and stages and salsa dancing all around.
For a more upscale club, try The Living Room on Fridays. There’s also an after hours club called Zenzurro that’s good on Fridays and Saturdays, with some pros in attendance as well. Other choices include Ole! Ole! on Friday and Saturday nights (tel. 599/9-461-7707), offering live music. The beach club Hook’s Hut also, located at Piscadera Bay (tel. 599/9-462-6575). Hook’s is a mainstay for Jazz music on the island, with great live entertainment booked regularly.
There have been numerous streetwalkers sightings in the downtown area. The girls seem to have lost their hotel key, and they’ll search your crotch for it in your back seat of your rental car if your pants are down and your twenties are up.
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